If you have the courage to be disliked, you can be happier.Feeling happier might be easier than you think. In this post, I’ll explore simple yet powerful techniques from “The Courage to be Disliked” by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga to achive real happiness in life.


🔍 Change Your Perspective

The world you see is subjective, not objective. Since everyone interprets events differently, changing the lens through which you see the world can significantly impact your happiness.


🌟 Transform Your Subjective Lens

The Courage to be Disliked” offers techniques to change your subjective lens. Through a dialogue about Adlerian psychology between a young man struggling with life and an old philosopher, the book reveals valuable lessons for a happier life.


🤝 Embrace Your Role in Multiple Communities

One lesson in the book is the importance of recognizing that you belong to multiple communities, from small ones like family and work to larger ones like our country or even the universe. Acknowledging our contributions to these communities, even just by “being,” can help us live happier lives.


💆‍♀️ The Power of Just Being

My mom may not do anything physically for me anymore, but her presence alone brings me happiness. She contributes to our family community just by being a part of it. This realization can help us let go of the pressure to always be productive, knowing that we can contribute to our communities simply by existing.


👥 Adopt a Horizontal Relationship with People

Instead of viewing relationships as vertical, with some people above or below you, envision a horizontal landscape where everyone moves at their own pace. This shift in perspective encourages camaraderie rather than rivalry and promotes healthier relationships with others.

In the horizontal relationship, nobody is above you or below you. You aren’t climbing a ladder called “life.” You are just moving forward one step at a time, becoming the best version of yourself with every step you take.

If you have a vertical relationship with your children or employees, you will praise or rebuke them. Then the goal of your children or employees will become to be praised and avoid punishment. If that happens, they are living your life, not their own lives.


🎯 Focus on What You Can Control

It’s essential to understand that whether others like or recognize you isn’t your responsibility. Concentrate on what you can control and let go of others’ opinions. This approach requires the courage to be disliked but can lead to a more fulfilling life.


👌 Embrace Being Normal

As we age, we may feel pressured to achieve something extraordinary. The philosopher in the book reminds us that being normal isn’t wrong, and we should have the courage to embrace it.


Life as a Series of Moments

Instead of striving for a specific destination, consider life as a series of moments where you live earnestly. This mindset allows you to appreciate the journey rather than obsess over an end goal. It’s important to avoid living your life in constant preparation, as it can prevent you from truly experiencing the present.


🔦 Shine a Light on the “Here and Now”

Adler’s psychology emphasizes focusing on the present moment. By shining a light on the “here and now,” you can fully experience each day without wasting time preparing for something that may never happen.


💪 Take Action to Brighten Your Life and Boost Happiness

To make your life brighter and feel happier, keep these key points in mind:

  • You belong to communities by just “being.”
  • We are all comrades.
  • It’s not your task to please everyone.
  • Being normal is not bad. 

By applying the lessons from “The Courage to be Disliked,” you can transform your perspective, create healthier relationships, and embrace the journey of life rather than fixating on a specific destination.

By focusing on the present moment and recognizing the value in simply “being,” you can cultivate a brighter and happier life.

Start today, and embrace the changes that can lead to a more fulfilling and joyful experience in every moment of your life!